she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
