i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
even my farts smell like vagina
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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