broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
