She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
