a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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