Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
