Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your cock deserves a montage
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
