Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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