Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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