so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
