You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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