Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
