i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
