Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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