I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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