So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
