I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
