Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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