How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
