the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I want to have your abortion
I think I am morally bankrupt
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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