Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
