Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
