Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
