they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
