Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
