update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
