I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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