The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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