Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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