we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also, beer. Big fan.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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