you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
