had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
