Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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