Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
