you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
