Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Boobs are out for the taking
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize