She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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