No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
