he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
