Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
