Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
