just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
