Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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