afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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