it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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