how can u be prego again
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
