The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
