I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize