Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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