can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
