I only kidnapped one of them. chill
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The power of my boobs compel you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
