i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
