Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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