It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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