??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
