I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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