I should be sponsored by Trojan
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
