Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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