hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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