Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
