dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
