How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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