Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
