And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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