Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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