I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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