I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
