We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
