Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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