i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
