I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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